I’ve always been one of those girls who struggles to see anything good about myself. In my mind, I have always been too fat, too ugly, too annoying, too loud, too dumb… on and on.
Since joining YWAM and becoming a Christian, I have been on an incredibly hard, but beautiful journey of learning how to see the good in myself. On my Discipleship Training School (DTS), the most transformational week of lectures for me was Identity Week, where I learned that my list of inadequacies is a long list of lies.
It was the first time in my life I saw the truth. I am beautiful, I am funny, I am smart, I am valuable, I am a child of God. These truths started out just as words that I would repeat in hopes that they would stick. I found myself feeling so defeated. People would tell me to remember the truth about myself, but they were always just words; they never truly landed in my heart. How could these thoughts about myself that have been so engraved in my mind for years be completely reversed just because God says so? I would grapple with these ideas daily. Does God actually love me? Does He actually find me beautiful? How can that even be, when I see an absolute mess?
Regardless of this battle in my mind, I stayed true to where God was calling me. I fell in love with the vision and values of YWAM Townsville and decided to continue my DTS training with the DTS Max program – focusing on developing my leadership skills. This decision has proven to be the best decision of my life. I say this because the time and training here at YWAM is helping me win the battle of identity in my life.
On my last trip to Papua New Guinea, I was able to come to a place of HUGE breakthrough on this journey. I was on the YWAM Medical Ship team as a media person in a small remote village in Oro Province. One day I took a break from behind the camera and instead talked to a group of young teenage girls. We handed out Days for Girls packs and talked to the girls about the scary and necessary changes their bodies are going through.
I looked out at these gorgeous girls, and I was moved to share with them about their beauty! I saw a group of young women who are deeply loved by God. As they smiled at me, I told them they were smart and capable. I shared with them that their beauty goes deep, beyond their skin. I told them that regardless of what anyone may say about them, or put on them, they are loved by God, who sees nothing but strong, stunning, capable young women. As I was sharing with them, I felt an explosion of healing within my own heart. I saw a glimpse in these girls of what God must see in me. As women, we are often told that we aren’t enough or we are too much. But in a small village in Papua New Guinea, I came to the unexpected realisation that we are just right!
I had to take a journey outside of myself and my own circumstances and invest into someone else to help my knowledge make the journey from my mind to my heart.
Make your knowledge your truth – sign up for our Discipleship Training School.